Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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