had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
