remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's the barista slut.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
