Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
