I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
