If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
