so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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