her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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