enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
