I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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