you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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