Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
FUCK WHALES
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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