Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
