I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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