All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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