just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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