I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
