Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Every concussion has its silver lining
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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