happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
