I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
