wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
