Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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