Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
