it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
