im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
