wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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