I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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