I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So squirting runs in the family.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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