i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
