She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
