He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
