it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
