soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
