I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
