Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Randomize
