Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
