She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Hippo gnu deer
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
