Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
