Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
