What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So many bounce houses so little time
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
soo... how was my night?
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