can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
