im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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