I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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