Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
