you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
