My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
