WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
