i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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