If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
