Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
