He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
