Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
