I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
