my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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