I wish I could punch you in the face.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
